fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.




there's a fault opening up in the middle of my chest.





I forgot how much this hurts.




_{i really need to do work, especially here
i don't think i can handle this again without it}

Now this would be a fantastic one

to sing to the mirror:

[link]


there's a strange exhilaration
in such total detestation

I will be attending Reed College in the fall.


This was entirely my decision, not affected by the financial aid situation. So much for the theoretical intellectual accuracy of emotional attraction. Or rather, so much for that, without the addition of actually visiting the colleges concerned. I did not make my decision until the night of April 24, flying back from Chicago.

(A word about cities other than New York: they do not measure up. Not in any respect. They don't even come close. So it is better if (a) they don't even try and (b) a New Yorker does not attempt to use them as substitutes. That would be like using coffee to get off meth. Incidentally, however, Portland has very good coffee.)


Now I have to go cancel my APs.
There is a point to life, and I don't understand why.




aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

I need to understand



that I am not going to die any time soon



.


_{(Chicago, Chicago, Chicago, Chicago, Chicago)}

"I am pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the University of Chicago, Class of 2013."

-- especially now.



(12:25 PM: I read a blog post on the College Admissions website that says, "Decisions will be released on or around April 1. You will receive an e-mail with instructions on how to retrieve your decision."

5:18 PM: I arrive home and discover I have received an e-mail that says, "Your admissions decision is available online. Please sign in to your account to view your decision."

What the fuck.)

Edit: So, now I have been admitted to Reed College, too. Augh.